When is it Time to Leave a Conversation?

INTENTIONAL CONNECTIONS

I have a free tool I called, ‘How to Talk to Anyone.’

I’m not accustomed to making such a bold statement but the tool inside is valuable. It is an approach I developed years ago that has helped me and now many others feel more confident in social situations and has led to meaningful conversations.

However, I recently realized that I have been using the technique successfully in one primary context – art, lecture, and social situations.

In December, I had an opportunity to meet up with people in a different context, one I had inhabited while I lived and worked in Silicon Valley. That was now three years ago. I had gone to a similar meeting in June and had great conversations.

In June, I was curious and had no expectations. I wanted to learn what was happening with the launch of this new research laboratory. At the time the lab was still forming and they spoke about the general topic was creativity, something I can relate to.

Now the laboratory is on the precipice of launching, their focus has been clearly defined and it doesn’t include video. So I was a fish out of water at this meeting.

The networking revolved around finding people with interest in the two topics that are the focus of the current research.

FEELING AWKWARD

I didn’t have information to contribute. I wasn’t a candidate for a job or as a collaborator.

What I realized, after about five awkward conversations, was that I didn’t belong there.

Yes, there were people there that, had I met them in a different context, we could have struck up an interesting conversation.

But in this context, where there was a specific goal for the engagement, there was no reason for me to stay after the initial talk had ended.

The best course of action would have been to say hello and congratulations to the person who invited me and exit.

In this context, I stood out but for the wrong reasons.

As a result, I felt awkward.

After the meeting, I regretted staying so long. I sat at my desk remembering moments where I must have looked awkward.

I was tempted to generalize that experience and continue to feel awkward. Maybe you can relate.

Instead, I decided to look at that situation as an example of the types of situations I want to experience less going forward.

INTENTION FOR 2020

Going into 2020, I am reflecting on the connections that I’ve made that have brought me interesting conversations, ideas, opportunities.

I am also reflecting on the connections and situations where I’ve felt drained, anxious or awkward, those times and places when I did not connect.

I’m also thinking about the lectures and exhibitions I’ve attended, the social media I’ve been using, and what I’ve been reading.

In the coming year I want to be more intentional about my connections, because connections impact ideas, opportunities, and even happiness.

I’ll be taking a more intentional approach to what conversations I’m joining, who I’m listening to, and what I’m bringing to the world.

I think it is good to be out of one’s comfort zone and experience new ideas. It is also important to engage in conversations when there is space to engage.

Getting time back because I’m letting go of connections that are not serving me (or them) right now means I’ll have more time to nurture the connections I want to keep in my life.

QUESTIONS TO HELP HONE YOUR INTENTION

When you think about your upcoming year, here are some questions to ask yourself.

What conversations do I need to leave?
What would I do with the time that I gain?
What conversations do I want to join?
Why do I want to join them?
What will I do to make that happen?

Wishing you a happy year full of fulfilling interactions and conversations!