What You Say to Yourself Matters
As a filmmaker and now story consultant, I have found that one of the biggest challenges to telling and sharing one’s story, whether it be for an individual or organization, is the resistance to look inside at the stories we tell ourselves.
These stories live in the background telling us things like “no one will watch my video,”
“I don’t have time.”
They also keep you waiting to launch a blog post as you look for the perfect words.
YOUR STORIES ARE NOT TRUTH
None of these stories are the truth.
Rather, these are roadblocks to sharing your story.
Your inner dialogue runs these narratives from habit or out of a desire to protect you from the perception of rejection.
However, 2/3rds of telling a story is showing up, knowing your intention.
The third is finding the structure that lets you share the story you are showing up to tell with the intention you have set.
You can learn structure but if you don’t show up you won’t have a story.
And if you don’t know what your intention is, what you share will rarely make the impact you are hoping to make.
Over the years, I found myself needing to find ways to support my clients and get them out of their stories, the ones they tell themselves, so they could share their stories in a way that their audience could hear.
Recently I was working as a consulting editor and I again heard a familiar inner story.
I CAN’T
This time it was ‘I can’t.’
‘I can’t’ is a tricky one.
This means someone has hit a wall.
Sometimes the wall is just from exhaustion.
But usually, it also relates to stepping into uncertainty and expectations they hope for but think they can’t achieve.
Maybe you can relate to this feeling of ‘I can’t.’
I’ve experienced this several times near the end of a project.
At the end of my master’s degree, I found myself sitting on a rock on the campus where I was studying in New Delhi, India.
I had one more exam to go. The temperatures were over 100 degrees Fahrenheit, close to 40 degrees Celsius.
At that moment I said to myself, maybe I shouldn’t have studied economics, maybe I should have followed my dream to study dance.
Hours before the exam I was debating giving put my degree and changing course because I was exhausted.
This is my first vivid memory of running up against ‘I can’t.’
I did take the exam and complete my degree. But that memory of that moment is still with me.
MOVING THROUGH I CAN’T
The way I got through that hour or two was to step back and pause.
I had to look at my thoughts and the fears that were masking the grief of a path not taken.
Somehow in those moments, I was able to release that grief and move forward.
From the pause, I was able to see the emotions that were living underneath the mental chatter.
HELPING OTHERS THROUGH THERE ‘I CAN’T’ MOMENT
When Zoe came up against her ‘I can’t’ moment, she took a pause
I asked her WHY she wanted to complete and release her music video.
We went through the three levels of why which I teach in Find Your Authentic Voice, her personal reason, how this will impact her career, and what she wants for her audience.
This opened up space and to tap back into her original motivation.
It is interesting how often we get to the edge of a project and feel like stopping or going back.
Really didn’t know if she could pull it off.
I’m so proud of Zoe Sameth for pushing through layers and layers of uncertainty, resistance, fear and going for her dream.
This was a song birthed in December 2016 during a week of torrential rains in California when she was forced to stay inside and the video was produced during the California fires in August 2020.
Zoe traveled from California to Portland, Oregon. In spite of the fires, COVID and being in an unfamiliar city she found a community of artists and together they brought the song, conceived in the rain and baptized by fire, to life.
You can see her video here!
If you run into ‘I can’t,’ know that this is normal, but you don’t need to listen to this voice.
Remember how far you’ve come and where you want to go.
Take a pause, and then take the next step.